Guns, God, and Silent Hill
by Ajinze
Summary: Jerry springeresque parody of a few video games. Mainly SH and its many additions.
1. Revenge, Abortion, and DIRTY monster sex

I decided to write a funny... yeah. I'm using my favorite center once again, Silent Hill, so expect hilarity to ensue. This involves ALL FOUR SH games in a jerry springer style show called 'The Ajinze Moreau Hour' yeah I know, I'm the host. Self insertion kind of. Oh, some people from Kingdom Hearts, Resident Evil, Final Fantasy all, and Kuon games will make appearences. Yeah... this is going to get weird.

-------

A woman in a baggy black hoodie and ripped up light denim jeans walks out, she has black circa sneakers and is wearing only small traces of make up. She has a very sober expression and long auburn hair tied back in a ponytail. her blue eyes search through the crowd as she walks down onto a dark stage. as the lights flicker on music pours through and the crowd starts shouting- she looks up and smiles- catching a microphone as someone tosses it at her. Waving an arm she blows a kiss towards the west center section and winks.

"HELLO EVERYONE! Welcome to the show, today we---"

She is cut off as an audience member dives forward shouting "AJINZE I LOVE YOU!" she takes a step back and watches him land at her feet. Quickly she pulls out a .45 calibur gun and blasts him one- the cadaver lays in a bloody mess, and the audience goes wild. she looks up, some blood has splattered across her face.

"On Todays show our guests complain that they just can't get enough or are getting too much love... welcome to; Gods, Dead Wives, and Umbilical chords!"

She takes a stand back and looks around, a rather bland woman walks across the stage. She is barefoot, and her clothes are a drab dark blue- she has no makeup and her greasy looking hair falls around her face. she takes a seat and looks around, the crowd is silence. Our lovely host is leaning against a pillar spinning the gun around her hand as she chuckles-

"I see cleanliness isn't something your church preaches, well anyway, welcome to the show. Why don't you tell us why your here... eh... Claudia?"

Claudia just looks down at her hands.

"Well you see my sister, Alessa, was taken from my church by a man..."

Claudia is cut off when a gun shot resounds through the crowd, our lovely host is pointing her gun in the general vicinity of several people dressed up as gangsta's. They shoot back and our host doubles her weapons, dropping the microphone and and pulling out a 10mm beretta. She blasts shots and a bullet whizzes by her head. Her eyes narrow and she caps direct shots into their heads. The audience is going wild with cheers, as the dead gangsta's are pulled off stage the host tuckes her gruns into her front pocket and clears her throat. She picks up the microphone and smiles-

"Uhh, sorry, a few zombies escaped into the crowd. Anyone who was bitten or scratched should report to the green room from immeadiate exter-- I mean treatment."

Claudia nods and continues.

"Well I went to get her back and she's adopted this new identity... and well she just... SHE DOESN'T LOVE ME!"

A crying baby noise is heard in the background, the host looks around irritated and waves her hand. The audience is silent and our host puts her head in her hand.

"This breaks my non-existent heart. I used to have a friend like that... then I beat her ass into the pavement. Now she's not my problem."

Claudia pauses and a doorbell rings, from the door bursts Heather. She runs down the stairs and points a gun at Claudia. Heather has been crying, she has blood, grime, and filth stains. The host watches as Heather persists to pounding several bullets into Claudia. The host stares and scratches her head, watching as Heather cripples to the ground and begins screaming. The host walks over and presently begins kicking the fallen Heather. As she kicks a small, deranged, and twisted little fetus is splattered- the host stares and catches herself from asphyxiating. Heather rolls over and the host pops a shot into her head with the .45, then stares at the fetus. Looking around she presently grabs the dead fetus and smiles-

"HEY LOOK AUDIENCE! I did an abortion... something I didn't plan."

Just before the baby hits the rim of a trash can nearby a large ugly monster runs out, catching the fetus and running off with it. The host stares and looks at her cue cards-

"ON WITH THE SHOW! Bring out our next guest, a miss Maria"

Maria walks on stage, she is in a pink micro mini, black fishnets and black heels. She has a tight fitting black tub top, her hair is down and about shoulder length. she smiles and blows kisses at the audience. The hosts eyes pop out of her skull and she collapses. She begins drooling and regains her composure quickly. She wipes away the drool and whistles-

"So tell us Maria, why are you on the show and where are you going afterwards?"

Maria stares and looks, crossing her right leg over her left leg she exposes herself in a lewd fashion. The audience goes wild and the host is seen being carried away on a stretcher. The audience looks around and we hear "CLEAR" being shouted, the host is sent flying out of the ambulance and lands on the ground. she flails briefly and stands. dusting herself off she nods and Maria begins to speak.

"Well, I was saved by a man, James Sunderland, and we connected in way that are... inappropriate to say but, you see he has to get over his dead wife-"

Maria is cut off by a woman in a longer proper dress, her hair is tied back and she is very pretty but hides behind a house-wife appearence. She storms on stage and snaps a finger, taking a seat next to her with a small blonde girl at her side. The little girl sticks her tongue out and makes teasing gestures at the host. Our lovely host holds out her 10mm and points it towards the girl, who ducks behind the new woman. Maria scoffs and the other woman stares...

"I'm not dead bitch, hi ajinze, my name is Mary and I'm James' wife. You see I 'died' three years ago but really I was just shipped to Silent Hill and brought to life by the magic of the town. I came to stop this temptress from taking my husband."

The host nods and makes a purring noise, she mumbles to herself- 'I'll gladly go with the temptress' a few people look at the host as she shakes her head and sighs.

"I mean... uh... thats horrible. So I guess the only thing we can do is show you what happened backstage with Maria and James reunited."

- CAUTION THE FOLLOWING CONTENT IS A GRAPHIC SEX SCENE, SHOULD YOU WISH TO SKIP IT THEN SCROLL DOWN UNTIL YOU SEE '-------------- END'

The giant television behind them flickers on. We see James walk in and sit down, he begins mourning Mary and crying. As James begins mourning Maria walks into the room, she rushes over and drops to her knees in front of him. she reaches out and holds his face, looking up she begins whispering inaudibly. James looks at her with tearful eyes and whispers- 'Mary'. He drops down and grasps her in his arms, holding onto her her waist. His arms wrap around her and she leans against him. He feels the warmth of her skin, he feels secure. Maria begins to caress the back of his neck, James feels need. He feels her touch and opens his mouth against the base of her neck. Her grasps her flesh and bits gently, tenderly nibbling at the base of her neck. She feels it too, need and security, she moans and whispers his name, her breath escaping as she quivers. Her lips touch his neck and he exhales deeply, she massages her hands across him and under his shirt feeling his every muscle. Her touch is like fire beneath the icy cold of his skin. It excites him, their lips meet, they rip and pulls, grasping every inch of clothing between them. It rips off and it tears, their excited breaths catching and the heat builds. Their fingers race across each others bodies and their touches becomes more so aggressive. James' hand reaches across her abdomen and massages her, his fingers working in and out. She moans, her body arched as she positions her herself leaning against the couch. His hands become warm, slick with her very own fluids, he drags his free hand up, clasping her breast as he bites and nibbles her neck. She is moaning and he grunts, his phallus erect. Her hands reach, grasping as she squeezes and massages him with her hand. The other is used to stabalize herself as she thrusts her lower body forward. He pulls his hand up, clasping her other breast as he extends himself forward. She brings her hand up and catches her other, holding him around his upper chest as his phallus meets her entrance. He pushes into her, his hips thrusting as he continues to suck, bite, and nibble at her neck. James moans, and Maria whispers in husky voices, we see this continue for minutes. James picks her up, tossing her body across the arm rest. He pulls her back some so her stomach is flat on the arm rest of the couch and her face in towards the pillows. He stands behind her, his tool yet again enters her, his thrusts are harder, more aggressive. She moans into a pillow and his hands clasp herhips tightly, he feels her muscles contracting around him- he feels the need. She rolls, her body separating from his as she bends to her knees, her mouth clasps him as she begins to working her tongue around. From the side we see Pyramid Head enter, he looks at them, his sword is placed aside and he moves over to Maria and James. As Maria's tongue works across James the creature behind her pulls its rather lengthy and oddly thick looking phallus out. Its hands grasp Maria's hips and place them upwards over a leg rest. It lowers itself and takes to moment, stabbing into her, she moans and continues with James and the creature. James cries out in ecstasy, Maria whines, her insides tightening as the thing continues thrusting, it digs harder. She wraps her legs around it, screaming in pleasure as James lays back, placing a hand over her head and shoving her down onto him. The heat is bursting and the creature suddenly plunges hard, causing her to release and squeal. James is grasped by another creature- a nurse. He goes willingly, away from Maria as he pulls the creatures skirt, parting the cloth away fron her breast. He sinks himself into the nurse, the creature silent as James molests its breasts with his mouth and hands, his tongue flickering over. Maria's voice squeals as the pyramid headed monster thrusts into her one last time, we here her breathing shallow as the creature pulls back. Blood in brought out with it as the creature stares and propmtly exists the room. Marias crawls forward, her body lurching over James as the nurse suddenly expells him, walking away, James stares at Maria. His erection still hard, but he has not long- Maria is grasped roughly. James holds her as she breathes, he moeans slightly as she lays back, he lays over her. Her legs wrapping around him and clenching his sides, he pushes himself into her again, for minutes they lay together, fluids mixing and each thrust with a delayed pause, finally we hear James moan his last and He lays silent. Their bodies mashed together. Maria looks up at him- "Baby, we never used a condom." he flinches, and he smiles, his words are repetitive- "Don't worry, I'm real and i'm here for you." the screan goes dark.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------- END OF SCENE.

The audience is shocked and Maria purrs happily, Mary is covering hers and Laura's eyes- the host is missing. We see movement behind the curtain and suddenly we hear 'I will call you later...' followed by the host exiting the curtain and pulling her hair back up in a ponytail. Swedish soccer hunk Fredrik Ljungberg is seen running off towards the exit door naked, the host looks around and takes a breath.

"What a graphic... experience. Um, Maria- you are aware that umm... you where umm... FUCKED by PYRAMID HEAD!"

Maria nods and looks around, Mary has collapsed and Laura has died of a heart attack. The host watches as Laura is tossed in with the rest of the bodies, Mary struggles for air and gathers herself, flinging her show towards Maria she begins screaming. Her arms flail and she becomes engraed, we hear the doorbell and in walks James who is immeadiately booed and applauded. The host cringes and stares at them, the microphone drops from her hand and she pulls out her .45... the gun is clutched as she points it to herself and sobs. The host looks around and puts the gun away, clearing her throat and looking over and Mary begins kicking and punching James, screaming profane words and attempting to attack him. Maria sits back and watches, Mary is separated as James make his way over to Maria and sits beside her, he kisses her and looks around. Mary is placed in a straight jacket and set aside while she begins foaming at the mouth. the host picks up her microphone and catches her breath.

"So James, as we can see... you are... happy to see Mary alive and well."

He shakes his head and grins-

"No, I'm happy for Maria to be alive... and you."

"Me? I'm the host you can't touch me- I'll fucking pop a cap in you."

"Oh, well, don't get rough baby- trust me, I will."

The host cringes and looks around for safety. James approaches and the host pulls out her guns, the microphone is traded for a head set microphone which is placed on the host by stage crew. The host continues weilding guns at James and stares as he backs away slightly. Her eyes narrow and she watches him take his seat, he winks at her and she looks in utter disgust. Her eyes crossing the audience as she repositions herself next to a silver haired mysterious man. He has one wing and is dressed in armor of some sort. Next to him going down the row is the rest of the FFVII crew, plus the rest of the characters from the FF series. Setzer smiles and blows kisses at Yuna who is cuddling Tidus. The Host looks around and mumbles- 'what the fuck? Am I at a convention?' we see her looks back at James who is staring her up and down, Mary is still foaming.

"You know what James, its because of men like you that I am a LESBIAN."

The host is aggravated, she stares down as is amazed as the silver haired man stands up and grasps her around the waist. He leans her back and stares at her, she is melting.

"Would you go straight for me..."

She drools and shakes her head rapidly, her breathing gets heavy and she is placed back on her feet, he sits and hands her paper. She walks down and leans against a pillar, calm as ever.

"So back to the love triangle... um is it even a triangle, I think its like a dodecagon. So, James is obviously staying with Maria and Mary is---"

The audience is hushed as Mary dies and rots in front of them, her body lights afire and her ashes suddenly vanish. Maria looks around and wraps a finger around James, they exit together and the host looks around. Looking at her cue cards she puts her head down...

"Theank god, finally, A COMMERCIAL."

END CHAPTER ONE.


	2. Bitches, Babies, and Period Blood

END OF COMMERCIAL BREAK.

Music is played and the lights focus back on the stage, the host is leaning against the same pillar looking rather shaken. Her ponytail sways as she looks across the audience, the two pistols clik as she steps up and sighs.

"Back to the show then. Eh---"

She pauses, staring at her cue cards in utter terror. Her hands flop against her side and she looks straight up to the ceiling.

"To my worst fears, our next guest is Aeris..."

Aeris walks on stage, her pink dress sways as the host collapses, sitting indian style she places her elbow on her knee and her head on her hand. With a lack of interest she waves an arm and scoffs. I think we have an idea what is going to happen. Aeris nods and takes a seat, where she stepped flowers begin sprouting and we here birds singing. The host nearly chokes back laughter as Aeris begins talking-

"I came on your show Ajinze, to get my man back. I fell in love with him when Midgar was collapsing around us, I was supposedly killed by Sephiroth--"

She is cut off as the host jumps up and waves the .45 at her, Aeris stares mortified as the host persists to random cursing and is suddenly swooned by a rather long haired man. The one from before, he places her at his side and pets her, the host is silent and Aeris continues.

"I know he cares for me, but this woman, Tifa, got in the way! I LOVE HIM! HE DOESN'T WANT HER HE WANTS ME!"

Aeris begins crying. Tifa jumps down from the rafter's and kicks Aeris out of her chair. The host stares and leans against the rather sexy silver haired man, she makes funny purring noises and dismisses the fight. On stage Tifa is kicking Aeris while Aeris lays crying, and trying to curl into a ball. The host becomes irritated as Aeris squeals and tifa stands aside. Just before Tifa can stab Aeris with a nearby piece of glass, OUR HOST SAVES THE DAY! A bullet passes across Tifa's left side and she moves, the host steps forward, holding the silver haired man's sword: Masamune. Tifa takes a seat immeadiately and Aeris sits as well, the host grumbles and looks at them both. The gun is tucked at her side as she weilds the long blade.

"Now we understand, I do not tolerate bitch fighting? You fight, you must fight to the death. Now Tifa, and Aeris- understand me?"

They nod, Aeris is silent and tifa clears her throat.

"Now Ajinze, understand from my view. I, and Cloud have known each other and been together for some time now. We take in orphans and raise them together- we are in love and she is trying to separate us. I came to defend my man!"

The host nods, a sage expression takes over as she places the Masamune over her shoulder and sighs. Looking between them she waves a hand-

"Well I guess you two aren't aware he is a cross dresser. He raises orphaned children. He has more hair products then paris hilton. His sword is overcompensating for something else. He is obsessed with the defeat and utter destruction of Sephiroth. He is obsessed with Sephiroth in general. Oh! And he so had an attraction to Brokeback Mountain the movie."

The two girls look between themselves and the host who is waving a- 'Cloud is gay' sign. the host smiles and puts it aside, she sways the Masamune briefly and starts to ponder, looking back at the suave silver haired figure who nods. She smiles at him and turns her attention back to the girls who are bantering at each other again. The host walks on to the stage and presently pulls a red lever. Cloud falls through the ceiling in a cage. He is wearing a long sparkley purple dress and high heels. his hair is down and curly and he has make up on. Aeris and Tifa jump at each other and begin fighting again, this time Tifa brings down an awesome roundhouse and send Aeris into a light. She is electrocuted and Tifa walks over to the cage. cloud backs away and begins twittling his thumbs-

"Tifa we have to talk about this. I have something to tell you."

He pauses and she looks hopeful-

"YES I WILL MARRY YOU AND BE YOUR HUSBAND!"

She jumps up and appears in a wedding suit, Cloud looks hopeless and frees himself from the cage. He walks over and presently stabs her, blood runs across his buster word and he looks at the host with empathetic eyes.

"I need to tell the world! I, cloud Strife, am Gay!"

He looks up and throws his fist in the air, the host begins singing 'I'm the only Gay eskimo" by corky and the juice pigs. Cloud looks up and leaps up the stairs to Sephiroth, dropping down on one knee he holds out a ring. Sephiroth looks sick and the host gets angry.

"Sephiroth, I love you, I always have and I always will. You were the Micheal Jackson to my boy, the R. Kelly to my child, you were the eel to my cave! MARRY ME!"

Sephiroth throws up all over Setzer who stabs at him and walks away. Sephiroth continues throwing up and the host raises Masamune- bringing it downwards she stabs it through Cloud. The audience goes wild. The host raises the blade and his now dead body slides down it, the blood rains down on our already bloody host. Her auburn hair shines and she chuckle the body by swinging the sword, the body crumbles into a pile full of others and Sephiroth looks at the host with some kind of thank you. she hands him his sword and sits on his lap- playing with his hair she chuckles-

"Well the next part was supposed to be you versus cloud but I guess that won't happen. Besides, NOBODY touches MY SEPHIROTH! I shall be technosexual for you."

The host is smacked by a baby bottle. Looking down Valtiel stands holding the previously and currently undead immortal god fetus. The host nods and music plays.

-----

Valtiel's baby tips, questions and answers for all your baby needs.

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?  
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?  
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?  
A: Childbirth.

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?  
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?  
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?  
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?  
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?  
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?  
A: When the kids are in college.

-----------------

Our host giggles and looks at him, giving a thumbs up she walks down across the stage- her hands digging deeply in her pockets as she hears something. From the corner of her eye Pyramid Head steps out, a brow raises and he swaings the great knife. The host pulls out her two pistols and drops the empty clips, filling them as she runs forward and dodges another swing. The blade sends a gust of cold air to her and she finishes loading the new clips. She is draped in bullets and holding a submachine gun. The pistols are tucked in holsters at her side. She fires the endless and bullets while dodging. The audience goes wild and pigs blood suddenly spills on them, several audience members flash the stage and begins shouting. The Host feels the blade just graze her arm, looking at the wound she grumbles, her nose wrinkling as she stops and sighs.

"DAMN YOU, THIS IS MY NEW FUCKING HOODIE ASSWIPE! YOU KNOW WHAT, JUST DIE ALREADY, GO FUCKING DIE AND GET OFF MY SHOW."

She narrows her eyebrows, her blue eyes glean coldly. His sword swipes hard and smacks into her. Several limbs lay lost and her body twitches. As he hacks her to pieces and walks off the audience begins to cry. People wave lighter and sing Pink Floyd, to their disgust the remains twitch and begin reconstructing themselves. the blod flowing back into her body as the host stands up, dusting herself off she looks around.

"I can't die fuckheads. This is MY show, while I'm here I can withstand a nuclear attack- get a fucking life. On to our next guests then."

Kairi from Kingdom Hearts walks across stage, she looks out and sobs quietly. The host readilly places the submachin gun against her shoulder as she leans against a familar pillar. Clearing her throat Kairi finally looks up.

"I'm here because I'm pregnant, and I have to tell my boyfriend Sora that it might not be his."

The host winces. and waves her availible arm, placing it on her hip.

"Wait this is my show, not Maury! How many possibilities?"

Kairi pauses and looks down.

"Riku, Axel, Roxas, Marluxia, Zexion, Vexen, Saix, Goofy, Donald--"

Before she continues we notice the host staring. She walks off and the audience looks around as she returns in a biohazard suit. Looking around she clears her throat.

(In a Darth Vader-esque voice, weezing and all) "Just... Bring... All... Of... Them... Out... NOW!"

At the end of her words we see Luke Skywalker fly by chasing Han Solo and a naked Leia. After the distraction the entire Kingdom Hearts (one and two, plus CoM) spills on to the now larger stage. All eyes are on Kairi who twiddles her fingers. Larxene sits on Marluxia's lap and wields her knives towards Kairi. Sora in holding a ringbox behind and and several others are confused. Riku stares and blow kisses to the small pixie Yuna. Now the real Yuna in the crowd is at this point almost dry humping Tidus. the host looks around.

"IT WAS A DRUNKEN ORGY I CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING!"

Kairi bursts out and stares, the entire cast looks around. Several members or Oragnization XIII begins fighting, Roxas and Sora are staring at each other. Zexion is admiring himself and KH Cloud is confused as KH Tifa is nowhere to be found. The host is admirably confused, but confusion ends shortly as the host is handed a mess of papers. She sorts through them and holds it up.

"Well--"

she takes off the biohazard helmet and breathes. Looking at Kairi.

"You are going to die, you have four types of STD and you are pregnant. It's not anyone on the stages'... its... MINE!"

Kairi stares and everyone is silent. The host is throwing papers around and screaming- Kairi walks up and hugs her. The host is fuming, steam rises from her ears and she begins breathing fire. Sora is crushed and everyone but Riku, Sora, and Hades leaves. Larxene whistles and walks off- the host is confused.

"Not mine, can't be- I never slept with you! I don't even have a penis! I have a vagina, and a uterus, and ovaries, and a cervix! I don't have an epididymus or scrotum, how the fuck did this happen."

The host slams her head against the pillar and cries in fury, Kairi nestles her and Sora pauses.

"Does that mean, ajinze, there may be something you are not telling us?"

The host pauses. Turning briefly she places the barrel of them submachine gun on Kairi's head and fires three shots. Kairi dies and sora stares- Riku snugs Sora and a curved smile hits his lips. As the pair walk off stage Sephiroth stands up and holds our host tightly.

"You know, certain species of animals are knwon to change gender when they need to- maybe..."

The host looks up at him with malicious intent.

"She's dead, I have no baby and I am not an animal. I am a fictional character made up in this parody story the was started at 4 in the morning after using the bathroom six times and coming to realize period blood looks like an exploded placenta."

Sephiroth as well as the audience is disgusted. As he sits down the host pauses.

"Cut to a fucking commercial."

---------------------------------------- COMMERCIAL


	3. DIVINATIONS GONE WILD!

END OF COMMERCIAL BREAK

The host is still leaning against the pillar, Sephiroth holds on to her petting her head and whispering lies to try and calm her down. She pounds her fists on his chest several times and whimpers. Looking around after a few oohs and aahs. She realizes they are back on air, she pushes out and Sephiroth back off, taking a seat and trying to look calm. Ajinze's tearless blue eyes glisten as she looks around and sighs.

"Since technically I was supposed to do Kairi versus Selphie next…"

She pauses.

"Selphie wins by default. So back to the creepy residents of that goofy town, Silent Hill! Back stage we are preparing our next guests by attempting to subdue them and calm their nature to kill."

The host looks around and speaks into a microphone. We can hear what she's saying but we can definitely hear screaming from somewhere in the background. The host sighs and walks off stage towards the back, as she opens the door a glowing red pyramid head walks out, the great knife is rested on his back. He nods to the host and sits down, his rather proper looking sitting position amazes the host. A large black collar is seen on his neck; shortly following Valtiel walks out holding the undead-god fetus. He sits, the same large black collar on pyramid head in present of him. He waves and the audience is slightly taken back, the host walks to the front of the stage and looks around-

"For viewing purposes both monsters have a collar on that numbs them from the urge to kill. This everyone is the battle of the monster's- who's better then who. In the RED coroner- he weighs a whopping 400 pounds, he used to be human and he wields the great knife- IT'S PYRAMID HEAD!"

He stands and the crowd goes wild, as he sits down the host clears her throat and looks around.

"And in the BEIGE coroner, he weighs 285 pounds, was never human in his life time. Stalked and kill nurses, the protector of God and wielder of the Undead Fetus—VALTIEL!"

The audience goes wild and Valtiel stands up, he sits promptly and the fetus stays silent. The host turns around and two screens appear behind each monster. The host looks around and gives a coy smile.

"This screen will project what the monster's are saying- each will state numerous reasons why they are cool and the audience will vote on the better monster. The loser will die a horrible death by being forced to endure several hours of singing with BARBARA STREISAND! Most likely they will commit suicide or something- MONSTER'S GO!"

Pyramid Head's Reasons for being Cool:

1 He's the first boss to rape other game characters.

2 He glows red when you first see him.

3 He is a physical manifestation of James' self-conscious.

4 He has a pyramidal shaped armor on his head.

5 He wields the great knife.

6 He stars in almost every game of the SH series even if it's a cameo appearance.

7 He is no one's servant and does as he will and wants.

8 He 'killed' Maria.

9 He doesn't baby-sit an undead-god fetus.

10 He is the possibly reincarnation of a cult member known as The Red Devil.

BONUS: Pyramid Head is feature in Silent Hill 5 as a returning boss.

Valtiel's Reasons for being Cool:

1 He is the first monster feature in the SH series who doesn't do ANYTHING.

2 He strangles and kills several 'monsters' in the game.

3 He is considered a boss even though you don't fight him.

4 He is the apostle of God.

5 He 'kills' Claudia.

6 He makes an appearance more times then Pyramid Head in SH2.

7 He fits with his bare hands and massive strength.

8 He is a genuine monster, not an incarnate or human-turned-monster.

9 His presence in the game does not influence your ending.

10 If Heather dies he is responsible for dragging her away with legs wide…

BONUS: Valtiel is possibly featured in SH5 as a boss this time, but may help you.

The host looks around and smiles-

"Everyone, vote now!"

Several hours later, no one has voted. The host gets irritated and looks around the audience is angry- they want blood, not democracy. The host looks at the pair and lifts her gun, note is glows a weird gold color for moment. She fires two shots and the collars on both monsters are dropped to the floor. Pyramid Head looks around and begins slaughtering the entire front row. Valtiel escapes with fetus and the host cackles, Sephiroth looks at her and shakes his head.

"You know he will kill everyone."

He pauses.

"Possibly anyway."

The host looks at him and walks down, as Pyramid Head just swings and misses Yuna, the gun in her hand clicks. She looks at it in terror and tries to quickly reload. Pyramid Head charges, the knife inches away as she jumps back. The bullets in her clip are loaded into the gun and she draws both of them. She begins firing shots into Pyramid Head who miraculously in standing after the fury of the bullet hail. The audience goes wild and Pyramid Head takes a swing, his great knife slamming into her side with the flat end. The host is sent flying on stage into a television monitor. She convulses from the shock and her body collapses to the ground. Small volts of electricity surge through her and several small static bolt glisten. She steams and lies in a half dead state. Pyramid Head ambles forward, his great knife held above her. As he brings the sword down the great knife is met by another steel blade. There standing over the host is Sephiroth in his one winged angel form. The masamune is used to shield as Pyramid Head is pushed back. Sephiroth looks at the host and grumbles.

"Look monster, she's got a special purpose- you're not killing her while I'm here."

Sephiroth and Pyramid Head begin sword fighting, something almost like the battle in Advent Children between Cloud and Kadaj/Sephiroth. The host stirs moments later as Yuna throws a high potion at her; the YRP crew stands around her and Rikku smiles. The host rises, uneasily and feeling stiff, as she stands her blue eyes glisten and she steps forward, pushing the YRP crew aside. The host looks at them and her voice rises in a growl.

"Get back to your seats- this is my battle."

They follow and the YRP crew returns to their seats. Sephiroth looks back, and in the moment of his distraction the great knife penetrates his abdomen and he begins bleeding. The host steps forward as Pyramid Head leans his sword down and Sephiroth's body lay on the floor in a puddle of blood. The host begins swirling with some dark gray mist, her eyes turn red and she gains six of energy behind her. She raises her arms and retains a fighting stance- her voice rougher and heavier.

"You are in my divination."

She charges, her movements quicker and her body exploding with newfound power. As she hits certain marks Pyramid Head's body begins to develop black legions where she hits. As she hits she is counting.

"1, 2, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64."

Pyramid Head whines in pain, his whole body crumbling as the host leaps back.

"DIE!"

Her hand cups her mouth and the mist gets thicker.

"KATON! Karyu Endan!"

A giant fiery dragons mouth appears in front of her, and the host begins spitting out fireballs. Pyramid Head in brought down in a pile of flames. His entire body crumbles to ash and the host looks around. As Sephiroth lays dead she sobs, her body rushing to his as she falls down by his side. Her tears drip quietly on his wound and she stands back. Looking around she notes a figure appears to her, it is a woman dressed in a black robe and wielding a giant crossbow. She pulls off the hood and Ajinze freezes, there before her is her future self. The woman is still and she lays down- the host is confused.

"Sacrifice my life, I am your future- and this is your destiny. To die in the name of love."

The host looks confused by motions several hand signals, her body glows with the ominous force and she sighs-

"Kuchiyose: Edo Tensei! "

The future Ajinze dies, her living body encompassed as Sephiroth rises from the ground in a coffin. He rises up and several moments later in brought back completely by the numerous amounts of Chakra used by the six tail. The host looks around and sighs.

"Go to a fucking commercial, shit needs to be sorted out.


End file.
